Its been decided. I'm moving with the Man Guy. I'm so proud of him. He wanted to be a newspaper photographer, and now he is the Staff Photographer for Hanover,PA's Evening Sun. Go Fella! Soon he'll be the chief photographer and have to handle all the business stuff of the position. Its super exciting.
Guy asked me to move with him. This came as a surprise because I've wanted to do the living thing for a while. Its been in my daydream fantasy rotation for a little bit now. I never would have guessed on the same day he mentioned he's never getting married that he wanted me to move across the state with him. Of course, to my parents and family living together is the next step towards marriage.
Oh how far off we are. I may never see an aisle under my shiny shoes but I'm not complaining just yet. Surely, I've always imagined the getting ready, the shoes, what I'd do with my hair, the father daughter dance, etc. Rationally speaking, couldn't I have learned to want that based on tv, movies, supposed lady-roles in life. Am I supposed to get all sappy and desperate?
This is all so adult. I'm 22 and have no aspiration to walk down an aisle in the next 5 or 10 years. Who knows, I might change my mind later and I might not. Living with Guy is a learning experience and I'm not too worried. We shall survive and be us, just us in one house.
As you might tell from my writing, I'm a little scattered. It doesn't feel real yet.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Inevitable decision making
Its become clear that the road I've been walking is about to fork in many different directions. I have yet to figure out clearly where they lead.
I remember in my psychology class one semester a discussion about getting to the point where you need to change something. Luckily I realize these points, its deciding what to change that gives me the biggest trouble. I've always had a bit of a problem when there's an 'either or' situation because there's always a bad decision that could be made. But that's life, yea? Pick and choose all you want, the end result will be the end result and you will have to deal with it.
So in my four forks in the road, where does the decision begin?
I remember in my psychology class one semester a discussion about getting to the point where you need to change something. Luckily I realize these points, its deciding what to change that gives me the biggest trouble. I've always had a bit of a problem when there's an 'either or' situation because there's always a bad decision that could be made. But that's life, yea? Pick and choose all you want, the end result will be the end result and you will have to deal with it.
So in my four forks in the road, where does the decision begin?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
illusion
I can't even write a paragraph without erasing every word every other sentence. I'm clouded by helplessness when that's not the case at all. There used to be a time when days went on for days and years felt like an eternity but now every minute that goes by is another lifetime gone and I'm left in the dust wondering what I did wrong.
I feel like I've lived a hundred different lives and now I'm standing at the end of one wondering when the next will begin. This is my major malfunction. I wait. I wonder. I anticipate. This is not production.
Step one: Get your head out of your ass.
I am the only one stopping me from doing what I want to do. Quit blaming external issues and a fraudulent reality. If you want it. Get up and Get it.
Step two: Research
The reason you feel lost is because you're trying to come up with your own answers. NewsFlash You don't know everything. Learn from elsewhere.
Step three: Ignore Labels
Once you commit to one form or type of art/photography/lifestyle its like the rest of existence disappears. WRONG Use every part of life, every part of creation to inspire you and to figure out where it is your passion lies.
Step four: Cut your anchors.
If its not helping, get rid of it.
I feel like I've lived a hundred different lives and now I'm standing at the end of one wondering when the next will begin. This is my major malfunction. I wait. I wonder. I anticipate. This is not production.
Step one: Get your head out of your ass.
I am the only one stopping me from doing what I want to do. Quit blaming external issues and a fraudulent reality. If you want it. Get up and Get it.
Step two: Research
The reason you feel lost is because you're trying to come up with your own answers. NewsFlash You don't know everything. Learn from elsewhere.
Step three: Ignore Labels
Once you commit to one form or type of art/photography/lifestyle its like the rest of existence disappears. WRONG Use every part of life, every part of creation to inspire you and to figure out where it is your passion lies.
Step four: Cut your anchors.
If its not helping, get rid of it.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Inspiration
I had a few ideas for this new tattoo I want to get. Though I don't feel right getting one if it doesn't have any meaning. That's silly to put a picture you saw on the wall on your body permanently. Forget that.
I want a Circus. Even better than a circus, I have specific items from the carnival/circus realm I'd like included.
-The Strong Man (complete with oversized mouth-stache)
-The Pretty Ladies (3 dancers? Long Eyelashes and blush on their cheeks)
- The High Wire (Silhouette)
-Tigers + Whip Guy with Top Hat
-Elephant Line
- The Big Top
- A Ferris Wheel
- Balloons
-Big Poofy Swirly Clouds
I can't decide how/where I'd like it done. Part of me wants to start a sleeve but I doubt I have arms that would accent the work well. I want it to be super bright colors. And haven't decided if it should be super Cartooned or in a different style.
A Quote or poem or line from a poem shall be included. I thought about just getting the Ferris wheel and the big top as an outline and the line being comprised of the words of the quote.
If it turns out to be a Salvador Dali Quote I want the whole thing drawn like a Dali painting.
Here's some quotes I've gathered lately:
"One day it will have to be officially admitted that what we have christened as reality is an even greater illusion than the world of dreams." Dali
"You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life." Dali
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it" Dali
"Everything you can imagine is real" Picasso
"I pay no attention to technique. The ideas dictate everything. You have to be true to that or you're dead." David Lynch
"The whole world is wild at heart and weird on top." David Lynch
"The very meaninglessness of life forces men to create his own meaning. If it can be written or thought, it can be filmed." Stanley Kubrick
"I believe in the imagination. What I can't see is infinitely more important than what I can see." Duane Michals
"Return, forgetful Muse, and straight redeem
In gentle numbers time so idly spent;
Sing to the ear that doth thy lays esteem" W. Shakespeare
Point is, The circus is life in general. There are many pieces to the act that need to work together cooperatively. The strong man represents will power, the high wire is fearlessness, the tigers+top hat = courage and control, the elephants are wisdom, the ferris wheel is to remind me that there are ups and downs and no matter where you are the other is around to corner... so don't take anything for granted. The balloons are hopes, dreams, ambitions. The pretty ladies are the past present and future. Perhaps two will be standing together and a reflection will be in the funhouse mirror, distorted.
This is a major piece and I want it all done soon. I can't think of why I would't get it. I just need someone to draw a couple for me so I have elements to pick from.
Anyone interested?
I want a Circus. Even better than a circus, I have specific items from the carnival/circus realm I'd like included.
-The Strong Man (complete with oversized mouth-stache)
-The Pretty Ladies (3 dancers? Long Eyelashes and blush on their cheeks)
- The High Wire (Silhouette)
-Tigers + Whip Guy with Top Hat
-Elephant Line
- The Big Top
- A Ferris Wheel
- Balloons
-Big Poofy Swirly Clouds
I can't decide how/where I'd like it done. Part of me wants to start a sleeve but I doubt I have arms that would accent the work well. I want it to be super bright colors. And haven't decided if it should be super Cartooned or in a different style.
A Quote or poem or line from a poem shall be included. I thought about just getting the Ferris wheel and the big top as an outline and the line being comprised of the words of the quote.
If it turns out to be a Salvador Dali Quote I want the whole thing drawn like a Dali painting.
Here's some quotes I've gathered lately:
"One day it will have to be officially admitted that what we have christened as reality is an even greater illusion than the world of dreams." Dali
"You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life." Dali
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it" Dali
"Everything you can imagine is real" Picasso
"I pay no attention to technique. The ideas dictate everything. You have to be true to that or you're dead." David Lynch
"The whole world is wild at heart and weird on top." David Lynch
"The very meaninglessness of life forces men to create his own meaning. If it can be written or thought, it can be filmed." Stanley Kubrick
"I believe in the imagination. What I can't see is infinitely more important than what I can see." Duane Michals
"Return, forgetful Muse, and straight redeem
In gentle numbers time so idly spent;
Sing to the ear that doth thy lays esteem" W. Shakespeare
Point is, The circus is life in general. There are many pieces to the act that need to work together cooperatively. The strong man represents will power, the high wire is fearlessness, the tigers+top hat = courage and control, the elephants are wisdom, the ferris wheel is to remind me that there are ups and downs and no matter where you are the other is around to corner... so don't take anything for granted. The balloons are hopes, dreams, ambitions. The pretty ladies are the past present and future. Perhaps two will be standing together and a reflection will be in the funhouse mirror, distorted.
This is a major piece and I want it all done soon. I can't think of why I would't get it. I just need someone to draw a couple for me so I have elements to pick from.
Anyone interested?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
discouraged
I'm at a total loss. Everywhere I look, photographers have YEARS and at times even decades of experience in the film industry and yet all I want to do is start my experience.
How do I convince somebody to let me start? How do you even get a job anymore without 8+ years in the industry? I have a passion for what I do, I know what I'm doing, I would love to learn more but when am I ever going to get the chance? Do I have to scrape by for years before I'm accepted as an actual photographer? How the hell do you get the experience if you can't get anywhere?
I've been going through my movies and skipping right to the credits, past the set designers and stunt men to the Production Stills. Half the time when I search the name listed, they don't come up and other times they've been working for 15-40 years in the business. How do you do that?! Did they have crappy retail jobs first or during? Did they get fondled by The Man before they landed their first real gig?
I need to get out! I need to get somewhere that isn't a 9-5. Shit, I need equipment but can't get it working at an office supply store or two days in a computer room. I need one of those jobs like an airline stewardess so I can get to places that need me.
That's it. I'll work for the airlines.
How do I convince somebody to let me start? How do you even get a job anymore without 8+ years in the industry? I have a passion for what I do, I know what I'm doing, I would love to learn more but when am I ever going to get the chance? Do I have to scrape by for years before I'm accepted as an actual photographer? How the hell do you get the experience if you can't get anywhere?
I've been going through my movies and skipping right to the credits, past the set designers and stunt men to the Production Stills. Half the time when I search the name listed, they don't come up and other times they've been working for 15-40 years in the business. How do you do that?! Did they have crappy retail jobs first or during? Did they get fondled by The Man before they landed their first real gig?
I need to get out! I need to get somewhere that isn't a 9-5. Shit, I need equipment but can't get it working at an office supply store or two days in a computer room. I need one of those jobs like an airline stewardess so I can get to places that need me.
That's it. I'll work for the airlines.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Inconsistency
Why out of all the things technology could be would it be inconsistent? I thought that was what the technological revolution was all about, making things easier to be spread about the world. Why is it that whenever I try to edit a photo on this god forsaken computer it decides to look mucky in photoshop, nice in the print preview image yet a different color when it prints?!
WHY WORLD! WHY?!
I've been sitting here for the past couple weeks on my designated 9-5 Tuesday and Thursday trying to decipher the super secret codes this computer has in its color projection. It feels like I learned a whole new language. If something looks dark on screen, its going to come out purple. If its way too bright on screen, its going to look perfect. If you want your image to be 8x10, you must change the size to 7.75 and 9.75 every other time you print. If you want something to be sepia... make it black and white. This has not only caused me intense stress (If I keep printing an entire roll of paper on two images, they're going to give me the boot.) but it takes up sooo much time and paper.
Currently, I'm just waiting for the computer to catch up to the scans, disks and files I just pulled up to edit. It feels impossible and though I'm not one to make excuses for my mistakes, I feel as if the computer is laughing at me. Jerk.
WHY WORLD! WHY?!
I've been sitting here for the past couple weeks on my designated 9-5 Tuesday and Thursday trying to decipher the super secret codes this computer has in its color projection. It feels like I learned a whole new language. If something looks dark on screen, its going to come out purple. If its way too bright on screen, its going to look perfect. If you want your image to be 8x10, you must change the size to 7.75 and 9.75 every other time you print. If you want something to be sepia... make it black and white. This has not only caused me intense stress (If I keep printing an entire roll of paper on two images, they're going to give me the boot.) but it takes up sooo much time and paper.
Currently, I'm just waiting for the computer to catch up to the scans, disks and files I just pulled up to edit. It feels impossible and though I'm not one to make excuses for my mistakes, I feel as if the computer is laughing at me. Jerk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)